1/5/2023 0 Comments Crusader kings 2 suicide![]() Who knows how he accesses Medieval LinkedIn during this pitched battle, but he does, and selects a sadistic, lunatic peasant from the depths of France as his bride. In fact, even as he swings his sword at the faces of cudgel-bearing yokels, in a ravine knee-deep in gore, he decides he's going to get married. Alfonso's army is twice the size of Sancho's, and his men are being butchered, thanks to their commander's decision to attack a mountain pass held by the enemy. He is immediately proclaimed a sinner across Christendom. During the march, he gets on his wooden nokia and barks a series of threats at clergymen until someone imprisons the Archbishop of Castille. Such is the rage of Strong Sancho, that he can't even contain himself until battle is joined. It's just an act of raw aggression, like a man charging into a pub toilet with a hammer. He's not even stopped to think about what he hopes to achieve, or what odds are stacked against him. Sancho is a man of action, and so he goes in swinging: on the second day of the game, 15th September 1066, he declares war on Alfonso, one of his many kingly brothers, rounds up every able bodied man in Castille, and leads them personally into hostile territory. He's wrathful, zealous, and looks like the man who would be on the DVD cover of a Poundland version of 300. King Sancho is one of approximately seven thousand royal brothers who tend to spend the back end of the Eleventh Century bruting each other to shreds over Northern Spain. Meet King Sancho "The Strong" of Castille. I figured it'd be cheating to find a monarch already on the brink of death, so I went with one of the classics. But what happens if you play with utter contempt for longevity? Playing as recklessly as possible, I want to find out just how quickly a king can get themselves killed. Indeed, even Andyamo the giantshagger cultivated a secondary interest in medicine, so that he could extend his titan-tupping career well into his seventies. Even within the lives of your individual rulers, you'll almost always want to ensure a long and healthy reign, as that'll give you more time to work on goals that benefit both your current king and their descendants. The fact you play as the successive inheritors of a medieval throne means you're always thinking centuries ahead. You see, today, there's science to be done.ĬK3 is, emphatically, all about planning for the long game. I may return to my nightmare re-imagining of C12th Estonia at some point, but not today. Yesterday, I dived into the magical world of themed Crusader Kings III playthroughs, with this sobering exploration of what a man's life might look like if he cared for nothing except banging giants.
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